#1 Make yourself the best person you can be—intentionally and systematically

From apprehension to abandonment, the fear of rejection takes form in many ways.

Most people can’t remember the first time they felt the fear of rejection—it begins at such a young age.

Because they depend on their caretakers to meet their every need, it is natural for young children to fear rejection.

If a young child is abandoned, they may not survive if they are rejected.

Early memories of relationships follow people throughout their lives.

An insecure child who experiences rejection over and over again will become learn to expect rejection.

They will become sensitive to relationships and always be on the ready for the end result of rejection.

In contrast, a child who has had their needs met in their relationships will remember the healthy connections they have made.

As they grow up, they will gain confidence in relationships and any apprehension they were born with will disappear.

Your learned expectations will follow you into every intimate relationship you have.

You will likely unconsciously seek relationships that are similar to those you had with your caretakers as a child.

If you do, you will experience the same things you did as a child.

However, if you have learned to put that aside and increase your confidence in the things you have to offer in a relationship, you will consciously seek relationships that validate your worth.

If you find yourself trying to partner with someone who is “out of your league”, your problem becomes very apparent.

As harsh as that seems, the way the world “markets” people is real and should be considered.

If you choose someone who is considered to have less value than you, according to society, you are not going to worry as much about being rejected.

Your fear of rejection then becomes a hindrance to your ability to improve yourself.

When you choose someone who is socially “beneath you,” you take away any chance of improving yourself.

Some people are afraid to take the risk of being with someone “out of their league” because it increases their chances of rejection.

If you want to get past your fear of rejection, no matter the cause, you must make yourself the best person you can be—intentionally and systematically.

Each time you consider a failed relationship, look at the things you could learn about yourself and consider what you can learn from your experience rather than focusing on the rejection itself. Figure out why and how you choose the people you do. Seek out relationships with those who you believe will see the value in the things you bring to the table.

Everyone in the world has experienced loss in a valuable relationship.

Each time you lose someone of value, your confidence in your ability to take risks in relationships goes down and your fear of rejection increases. Those who have had many failures in past relationships, lose hope and confidence in future relationships. They figure if they don’t try, they won’t fail. However, if you learn from your past failures and seek to learn why and how relationships failed, you have a better chance of successful future relationships.

#2 You must increase your self-esteem in order to overcome the fear of rejection

Only time and discipline will lead you to the warrior within—redirect your negative thoughts and change your idea of relationships from fear and lacking to abundance and love.

Depending on how much you want to change, the timing will vary. Every time you do something that is courageous, you are taking a step towards having a more valuable view of yourself. You will naturally be able to release the idea of constant rejection and be more courageous if you take the time to learn and grow and love yourself.

So, why is it that we hold back from our desires and fear rejection so much?

• Everyone around you is afraid, to some degree, of rejection—you are not alone. When one person acts courageously, another often follows suit. Will you be the first to step out and do something bold?
• What is the worst thing that could happen if you take a risk? Will it be the end of the world? Not likely! Rejection is rejection—no more, no less. Let go of the mentality that rejection is the “end of the world.”
• Rejection should not define you—just understand that it was not meant to be—nothing more. Don’t let it hold you back or make you retreat from the world—accept it as God’s will and move on.

Don’t you think it would be better to take chances than to sit back and not even try?

You can avoid having regrets if you are willing to take chances and go after the things you want. Asking for the things you want is an honorable thing—not asking only makes you look cowardly. No one, even the most successful inventors and leaders, gets what they want on their first try. Failure was just something they had to overcome until the rejection went away. In order to overcome your fear of rejection, you must make changes within yourself so that you can make life decisions with confidence.

#3 By not taking risks, you may not have to worry about getting hurt, but you do forfeit any opportunity to find something worth having in your life.

Rejection is no joke

Whenever you are rejected, you often ask yourself what you did wrong or if there is something wrong with you. These thoughts tend to play over and over again in your mind. Although you may never get them, you just want answers to these questions. Here you are again, rejected by someone you thought loved you as much as you loved them. It is then even more difficult to “get back in the game” after each rejection you experience. You worry you will just be rejected again.

Slow down–you don’t have to rush into dating again.

It is important that you allow yourself to heal, so give yourself some time. Being rejected by someone you love is difficult. Although our loved ones are not supposed to hurt us, the truth is—they do. You may feel weak after experiencing rejection, and these times will certainly test your inner strength. It is important that you allow yourself to fully heal after rejection or you will not be able to give your next relationship everything that it deserves.

Being vulnerable can be scary.

You allowed yourself to open up in the last relationship, and it only ended up in rejection. Why would you want to go through that kind of pain again? However, opening up gave you the opportunity to learn a little about yourself—including your faults and weaknesses. Opening up takes courage, and through your experience, you were able to see what a good relationship can be like. This experience has helped you be more vulnerable in your next relationship, which is crucial to a good relationship. When you are vulnerable, you make real connections.

Dating offers you a chance to spend time with someone without having to worry about commitment.

Yes, it is possible a date could grow into a relationship, but you do not have to worry about what might happen. Just enjoy and allow it to help you ease your way back into a relationship. Although dating is not always easy right after a tough breakup, you will get more comfortable and eventually be able to enjoy it again.

#4 Follow these four tips

Tip 1 – Fear of rejection has a great impact on you because it affects all aspects of your life.

When you put yourself out there, there is always at least some anxiety over a fear of rejection. Some people, however, allow that fear to overwhelm them. Everyone at some point in their life has been rejected and has been the one rejecting others.

Tip 2 – If you decide to seek therapy, you should focus on the idea that your past traumatic experiences may be causing your problems.

When it comes to past trauma and stresses, EMDR therapy is a good option. However, therapy is not always necessary, as rejection is a normal part of life. You should learn how to manage your fears and deal with your experiences. When intimacy is involved in a relationship, you must be willing to take some risks in order for the relationship to develop. You should be careful about who you allow into your life—use wisdom and discernment when it comes to opening up. This will help eliminate most of the negative experiences in your life.

• Visualize your success. Don’t even think about being rejected. Behavioral problems are exacerbated by negative thoughts.
• Believe in yourself. Understand that you are not perfect, you will make mistakes, and you cannot be the best at everything you do. When things do not go your way, learn from them instead of criticizing yourself.
• You are not a mind reader—do not try to figure out what someone else is thinking.
• Do not take everything personally. Every relationship and experience is different—approach them with a fresh perspective. Do not dwell on your failures and disappointments rather learn from them. Always remember your worth.

• As you begin to build your sense of worth, you will find that you can move on from the past easier.

Tip 3 – It is important to learn from your mistakes. We all make them, and if we don’t learn from them, we will just repeat them.

You can learn a lot from your relationships. Not only do you learn to cope with pain and heartache, but you are also often faced with major life challenges. Experiencing things like anger, heartache, being sad, having insecurities, and feeling confused help you approach your future relationships in a healthier way.

Tip 4 – Each time you learn a lesson, you become better able to handle relationship problems.

The more experience you have, the more you know what you want and will be able to make the best decisions for yourself. Once you learn that unsuccessful relationships were not meant to be, you feel free knowing that someone better is out there.

#5 Take responsibility for the relationships in your life and be strong enough to make decisions that are good for you. Just because someone rejects you, doesn’t mean you are not worthy

You have the ability to choose a better future for yourself—you can change. You will be able to move forward with confidence when the value you place on yourself improves.

Always be yourself and be comfortable with who you are in your relationships.

Do not approach new relationships with fear and full of insecurity—people will be able to see right through you. You have to feel secure and confident in order to attract someone who will see you that way. You never know when it may be the real thing, so never be afraid to put yourself out there. You deserve what you have been looking for—love and joy.

#6 You will be able to get on with your life if you have higher self-esteem.

It can feel awkward and strange when you first start dating again.

For example, when a marriage ends in divorce after several years, you will feel “out of the game,” regardless of your age. You may even have to consult your friends for advice—who pays, what are the expectations regarding intimacy, etc. It is normal to feel confused and have a fear of rejection.

What happens when you like someone and they don’t call you.

Some of the men you date will promise to call but never actually do. There might even be times you are on a date with a man who flirts with the waitress or just decides that he doesn’t like you—that is normal. Don’t let that discourage you.

Just get out there so you can meet new people and practice your dating skills.

You will date some men that you just don’t connect with, so you will have to tell them. This is not necessarily rejection; it just means you are that much closer to finding your soul mate.

#7 Three tips to help you

Tip 1 – Learn to love yourself.

You have to love yourself before you can make room for someone else to love you. People will love and accept you in the same way that you love and accept yourself. Getting to know yourself is important. A great place to do that is through journaling—write exactly what you’re feeling, don’t hold back! You will surprise yourself with what you write. Love yourself in the same way you want someone to love you—buy yourself a gift or take yourself out to dinner every now and then. If you take care of yourself, others will take care of you too.

Tip 2- Do not limit yourself with your thoughts

You will create a distance in your relationships with unhealthy thoughts, and there will be more distance when your unhealthy thoughts are deep. Many women struggle with thinking themselves worthy. When it comes to relationships, women tend to think they are the problem—they internalize everything. Being intimate requires you to be vulnerable, but you won’t be able to if you don’t feel good about yourself. If you are having challenging deep thoughts, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be a good option for you.

Tip 3 – Trust your instincts

Being rejected isn’t always bad because there are times that you may be in situations that are not healthy for you. If you feel skeptical at all about someone or feel like the relationship just isn’t right, trust your instincts. This requires you to love yourself because you can’t trust yourself until you love yourself. Your instincts are almost always correct. If you sense something is not right about a man when you meet him, you are probably correct.

#8 You have to stop and think about the meaning you want to give relationships

When you have the courage to confront your pain head-on, you may find healing and positive experiences. This doesn’t mean you should wallow in it—just be ready to examine it and how you can learn from it. There is so much under the surface of rejection—like an onion, you have to peel them away. If you can peel back the rejection, you will find more. You must meet it head on and admit that it hurts but that you will be okay.

Rejection is a learning tool.

When we reflect on our early rejection experiences in life, we can look for the meaning of our experiences and know ourselves better. Reflection can help you heal from pain and rejection that you experience in the past. This reflection will set you free. Dealing with the behavior of others will be easier when you can reflect on their stories.

Before you fall into a place of rejection, you should decide the meaning you want to give it.

Many times it’s not about you, it’s about someone else. If you can open your mind and face your rejection and pain, you will learn a lot from relationships. This is a natural progression for humans.

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